A home that truly felt real

I thought it was normal to endure the pain

To live in my own loneliness

A tower that I subconsciously created

To keep from feeling the harsh ice

Just outside the walls

But your presence woke me up

From a nightmare that I thought I had to live in

But you helped me slowly unravel the pain

To heal one wound at a time

A bubbling foreign substance

Reaches my heart

With an undeniable heat

That took me awhile to decipher

I wanted to run away from your caring nature

Afraid to trust again,

Afraid to find a home that felt truly real

Your cold facade falls

And I see what lies underneath,

A vast open garden

Where every kind of flower thrives

You taught me that I didn't need to be locked in

To a life that slowly withered my heart

Unspoken frustration

Unspoken frustration

Runs through my veins

Until I can't breathe

And the strength fizzles out

I flip over my heart

To find the feelings

That leave me in the space

Of happiness and anxiety

I wanted to close the door

On your warmth

That once disguised itself

In a mask that played the seducer

Leaving me feeling empty

As if you sucked up

My energy

I didn't think the maze had beauty

The way it was programmed to disorient

But somehow the maze

Birthed colorful flowers

And I started to see the real you

When you stopped treating love

Like a bitter tasting dish

Or a game where someone

Needs to lose

Pool of desire

The pool of desire that lives within me

Is not lighthearted or shallow

It's where the fire and the water is born

Not meant for me to fight

But to walk through

I chose to sail down the depths

With the light pressed to my chest

As I wear the cloak of my remembering

Castle walls know the truth

She thought she could escape

The voices that felt like ants

Crawling all over her body

But even when the mirror

Showed glimpse of the light,

The castle walls still echoed with a truth,

She couldn't wipe away

It was easier to shrink into the background,

Pretend to be the girl

Who carried no shame or vengeance,

But most only saw a soft shell of herself,

That was slowly squeezing her tightly

Until the closed door

Began to look like a prison

She herself created

Merry go round

I feel like I drown in a lake filled with thoughts

That are not entirely mine

I remember how it felt to have your lips

Kiss my ear

As if you were claiming me as your own

I've gotten used to clinging on the merry go round

Of people pleasing

Afraid to break free from the loop

But I don't notice you choking me

With your streams of control,

Until I read your gaze

To find that you secretly love

When I fall helplessly into your palms

Like you planned for us to meet again

Except now I find myself in the void

On whether to accept your advances

Or push you away

As if a dirty filter covers my heart,

And I can no longer hear it